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Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
Woman reflects on a difficult friendship situation
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I can’t afford my best friend’s bachelorette trip, so she’s going to cut me off.
My (26f) best friend (27f), we’ll call her Melissa, has a bachelorette trip coming up in July and I realistically can’t afford to go, but I know my friend is not going to be understanding. The trip is 4 days long at a lake nearly 8 hours away from where we live. The cost is going to be at minimum 1k per girl if you factor in all of the activities we’re doing. Keep in mind already we live IN a lake town, so it’s nothing any of us haven’t already experienced. Each day has a theme requiring new outfits on top of a jam packed itinerary.
My issue is the lack of consideration towards other people’s financial situations. A few months ago Melissa completely cut off our other best friend (27f), who was also her MOH, because she is a stay at home mom with 2 very young children that she won’t be able afford care for for the 4 day trip since her husband works 11hr night shifts. Her husband has a stable job, but they’re currently living off of one salary which can be tough for any family in this economy.
They can barely afford to take trips of their own. Melissa said that our friend is inconsiderate and is being unreasonable because apparently *anyone* could make it work if the tried hard enough and decided to fully uninvite her from the wedding and cut her off after over a decade of friendship.
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Things became even more awkward because this wasn't the first friendship casualty tied to the trip. According to the poster, Melissa had already cut off another longtime friend and removed her from the wedding after she explained that childcare responsibilities and finances made attending impossible. That history left the OP wondering whether her own friendship was about to face the same fate.
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She does not have any children of her own mind you, so I feel like she has no room to take that stance. Melissa has stated multiple times that being a mom isn’t that difficult and plenty of other moms make time to do things on their own, which I find completely tone deaf because everyone’s situation is different, but whatever. I have a stable job, but I don’t exactly have a bunch of extra fun money laying around.
I haven’t taken a vacation more than 2 hours away in years because it’s simply not in my budget. I fully support myself, but Melissa is currently a stay at home fiancé and has been for the past 2 years. Her husband makes a very good amount of money to the point where she’s constantly bragging about it how big his paychecks are, how expensive the wedding is going to be, and how much they’re dropping on their honeymoon. Honestly, it’s been hard even having conversations with her over the past few months because every time we’re on the phone she has to give me a breakdown of exactly how much has been going in their account, even saying things like “he made 8k on his last paycheck I don’t think you can even comprehend how much money that is”, which leaves me feeling a little weird because what is she trying to say? I love her to death, but her personal paycheck is $0, so like why is this all she talks about?
Also why is she assuming that everyone else just has a few bands lying around for fun? I sure don’t and never really have and she knows this, just like she knew our other friend didn’t have the money either. The other women going on the trip are just the girlfriends of her fiancé’s friends. One of which is a doctor and the other is a lawyer who seem to be handing over money freely, which is great, but just not realistic for our other friend and I that she’s had for over 10 years.
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I’ve known about this trip for about 7 months now and had the money saved for it at one point, but I had to get a series of car repairs that drained my account a few months ago. Unfortunately I have another repair that needs done very soon and it’s going to cost me another $500-$800.
I also just moved into a new apartment a week ago that I have to furnish because my old stuff was water damaged. To be transparent I have $29 in my savings account right now. That’s it. Melissa knows about all of this and continues to remind me that I haven’t paid for my portion of the Airbnb yet, but I truly have other priorities that are taking precedence over this bachelorette trip.
This trip is in the middle of July and I’m not going to be able to make it without putting myself in a hole. I know she’s going to freak tf out over this and most likely cut me off based on what she did to our other friend, but I feel like I need to let her know what’s up. I feel horrible for not being able to make it, but I don’t think it should be the end all for our relationship.
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Friends chatting during a bridal party celebration
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
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The bride's attitude toward money had become a recurring source of tension, especially after she allegedly dismissed other people's financial struggles while openly bragging about her fiancé's income, wedding budget, and honeymoon plans. With only $29 left in savings after unexpected expenses, the poster feared honesty could cost her a friendship.
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Thank Melissa for cutting you off. And continue a friendship with ex MOH.
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You need to bail now so they can figure out money and accept that if she does cut you off, she was never your best friend.
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I'd tell her as soon as possible and cut your losses. It sounds like even talking to her on the phone is a chore because all she talks about is money and how much she spends. I can't imagine not being completely bored talking to her.
Remember, don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If you can't spend the type of money she insists people spend on her, then she's not a friend. Turn her over to the women who can afford her and don't worry about her anymore.
P.S. Did you have renters insurance? If so, it should pay for some of your furnishings. If not, consider getting it when you can afford it.
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Friends celebrate a bachelorette trip together outdoors
Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
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Oh no, the inconsiderate j*rk might not want to be your friend anymore. Huge loss.
ETA: people will go back to Bachelorette parties over trips when people start refusing to attend.
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What is going on with the lack of empathy and the heightened level of entitlement among brides? Don't they know that the aspirational stuff they see on TT/IG is just a ploy to get them to spend more with $$ they don't have?
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At the heart of the debate was a question many readers found surprisingly easy to answer: should friendships depend on someone's ability to spend money? While weddings are meant to bring people together, many commenters felt that expecting friends to jeopardize their finances for a celebration misses the point entirely. After all, a decade-long friendship should probably be worth more than a themed weekend getaway.
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